last weekend we took our first trip together.
we went and saw le reve
hit up the spa at caesars for the very first time! i totally understand why people do it now!
who wouldn't want to spend hours here????
then we celebrated this girl's birthday :)
michelle is in the middle (26!) with her sister lynette (on the left.)
then we went to the bellagio for my favorite (outrageously priced!) breakfast.
the conservatory is just gorgeous.
had such a great time!
especially with this boy :)
once upon a time there was a girl.
she had had her share of heartache, oh yes she had.
there was a palpable emptiness inside of her. a hole she did not know how to fill.
she had wondered how she had gotten to be in a place where she had felt so betrayed by life. she felt as though she was watching life in a pile of little pieces on the ground. too broken to actually participate. too broken to move on. too broken to be noticed. she watched other people and felt a stirring in her heart, a desire to have what they had.
the contentment.
the joy.
the happiness.
she waited and waited and then wondered what she was waiting for...
one day she said enough is enough!
it was hard, oh yes it was.
but she picked herself up and did what she wanted to do, what she felt in her heart. she applied to grad school, something she had wanted to do for years. she got accepted and worked hard and got her credentials. she wanted to make a difference in this world.
and she was happy.
she applied to one (and only one) school district.
she didn't know why.
that's just how it happened.
and that school district decided that she just might be what they were looking for. so a school called. her school. and she went and interviewed at her alma mater.
and she was reunited with her favorite teacher, the teacher who made her want to be a teacher.
and she came home smiling because she had decided that even if she didn't get the job, she gave a most fantastic interview and felt fab about herself.
they thought she was fab too, and offered her the job about two whole days later...
she worked very hard.
very very hard.
she wanted to be the very best she could be for these kids. she knew some of these kids had nothing. she knew that for some of these kids, this might be the only 55 minutes during their day where someone cared about them.
and she felt like some of them cared about her too.
she enjoyed her job.
and she loved working with him! alot.
he quickly became her favorite person on earth.
for real.
sometimes that hole would nag her. would remind her that it was still there. would make her feel sad and lonely.
she would often wonder why she was alone.
why no one noticed her.
why no one wanted to spend time with her.
was she not good enough?
she pushed those feeling aside and continued working on being a better person, one she would want to be friends with.
that summer, she went to maui with her best friend.
they had a very good time.
a very very good time!
they had shave ice
and went to luaus
and saw amazing sunsets together!
this was the first time in a LONG time that she felt content.
she even decided that she would throw her cares away.
here to be exact... (even as she types this, she very much remembers doing this...)
but when she got home that hole was waiting for her.
it was still there.
it wasn't as painful...but just enough to remind her that no matter how she spends her time, no matter how many friends she has, no matter how many students love her...she still didn't have a special someone to love and be loved by.
and that's all she really wanted.
year number two of the teaching career starts and she is full steam ahead.
she is going to try her best.
she is going to get it right.
and she is going to appreciate everything she does have for a change.
(and she is going to ignore that hole.)
only, this year is hard.
very very hard.
she realizes there are some mean people in the world.
and she learns that they are mean for no reason other than to make other people miserable.
especially her.
she wishes she was stronger (or more like strong!). she wishes she could ignore it. but she makes the mistake of listening to the mean words. and she makes the mistake of believing the mean words. and she makes the mistake of letting it get her down.
but soon she realizes she is better than this. soon she remembers why she comes to work. soon she finds happiness at her job again.
she laughs with her students
laughs with her friends
and she feels good about herself.
her friend, alisa, asked her if she would go to a conference with her that summer...
the girl thought to herself, "self, you are in a good place. you have worked hard in your career to get where you are. you have worked hard within yourself to build character and perseverance. you are open to new opportunities. why not go?"
so she said yes.
she went to said conference and was interested in meeting new people who had the same interests as her. she thought it would be fun to spend time with a good friend. she was excited to see the wild animal park.
little did she know she would meet a boy.
a boy who was everything on her list, and then some.
but she would ignore the "then some" and focus only on him.
because he made her feel happy.
very very happy.
there's was not what you would call an easy romance, what with the "then some" thrown in. there were many an obstacle to overcome. but she loved him so, and was willing to work hard...to make it work. and he was just as dedicated.
she soon felt as though this is what she was missing. this is what all the stories talk about. this is what she had longed for. she had waited 29 years for this boy. the hole didn't hurt anymore. it was almost only a memory.
almost.
one day she was spending time with him (which she often did because she loved him) and he told her something.
something that shocked her.
something that took her breath away.
something that made her overwhelmingly happy.
he said he thought she could be the one. "the one". the one he had waited for. (and boy, had he waited!) the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
the girl had never felt so loved. she beamed back and echoed his sentiments. she felt as though after all the heartache, after all the turmoil, after all the hurt...this was finally her time.
only, (breath), it didn't turn out quite like that.
5 days later he stopped talking to her.
3 days later her world fell apart when he told her that his heart had hardened.
she didn't know why.
she didn't run over his dog.
she didn't kill one of his kids.
she didn't sleep with his best friend.
(oh my gosh! she would never do any of those things! ever! she was working on character, people. remember?)
she called in sick to work the next day.
(she never calls in sick even when she IS sick!)
and she cried.
and cried.
and cried.
she didn't eat. she didn't sleep. and she didn't know why.
so she called in sick the next day too.
after everything was said and done, she found herself back
in a pile of little pieces on the ground.
too broken to actually
participate.
too broken to move on.
too broken to be noticed.
and she wondered why she was there again. why she had to endure it again. why she wasn't good enough again.
why she was alone.
again.
she
watched other people and felt a stirring in her heart, a desire to have
what they had.
the contentment.
the joy.
the happiness.
she never knew that february 1st would be the last time she would see him again.
in more ways than one...
been feeling the aloha this week. really. started listening to the music in class wednesday. was given even more music thursday ;) and sported the authentic hawaiian shirt today.
wishin i was here
cuz i'm ok with this
maybe i could find a little peace
if not, then alot of this!
and i could watch one of these
with my lil hawaiian ;)
book the flight! my bags are packed!
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