thanks for letting me vent blogland.
so here's the thing. i've really been debating whether or not to say anything on here. because once it's on here it's available for the internet to read. and that's pretty public, my friends. and...it's christmas week. and i don't want to be a downer christmas week.
but the thing is...this is my space. and i feel like if i can just vent for a minute (or two) i could just let it go and relax in my merriness! (which means surprising a certain someone with some clean laundry)
oh, has this post been rolling around in my mind. the main debate being whether or not to actually share it. but some of you out there are my good friends. and some of you out there actually care about me. and some of you out there leave fantastic comments that help me grow as a person (dawn!).
i've hinted at it here, here, and here. seriously? where do these people come from? and why do they claim to be my friend?? let me share...
i used to hang out with her all the time. she was amazing! so positive, upbeat, and fun. i felt so lucky to be friends with her! we would talk. we would laugh. we would cry. we would sit on the couch so long we would fall asleep...and then wake up and eat breakfast and laugh some more.
and then she met a boy. (how many of you can see where this is going??) i was happy that she was so happy! our friendship gradually started to change and i missed her. i thought after the initial "swooning phase" i would start to hear from her. but i was mistaken. i would hear from her sister. i would hear from her mother. both lamenting about how i was never over at the house to visit anymore. so i would come over to visit (even though i was drop-dead tired from teaching all day) and my friend wouldn't even be there. she was with the bf. which is fine! except for the part where she would complain to her mother that i was spending time with her mother and not her. except for the part where we would all be hanging out together at a bbq and she would be with him and not speak a word to anyone else. except for the part where i would text her and ask to hang out with her and never hear back.
so i thought maybe if i contacted her and let her pick the place and time she would actually follow through. it was summer time and the living was supposed to be easy. sunday came and i said, "hey friend! i miss you! lets hang out soon!" her response? "sure! how about wednesday around 6?" solid.
only...wednesday came. and i knew, i just knew!, that she was going to flake. so, even though it completely hurt my feelings, i gave her a way out. i sent a text saying, "hey, do you still want to hang out tonight? or are you busy?" this was at 4:30. i never heard back from her. so the next day i called her on her sh!t and said, "you could have at least responded. you could've said you were busy or tired or forgot. it would've been nice if you at least said something." and still nothing. i was fuming mad at this point. what kind of friend are you?? you're the kind that finally gets back to me a week later saying, "i'm so sorry. you are right. i should have just told you i couldn't make it. lets hang out soon."
right. this was in august. "soon" didn't come until october. we went out for coffee. it was like old times. "i know you're busy and so am i but we should do this every couple of weeks! i miss you!" i just knew it was an empty promise. i wasn't going to say anything then. i just nodded and smiled, knowing i wouldn't see her again for months. knowing that i was reaching the breaking point. knowing that she was working her way right out of my friends circle.
that point came today. her mother threw a party on saturday. it started at 5. she walked down the hallway at 7:30. who is freaking late to a party at their own house?!that's besides the point. the point is she barely said 5 words to me. not by my choice. in her defense, she barely said more than 5 words to anyone! (is that really defense-able??) i spoke to her sister most of the night. (and scott, of course.) when scott and i were ready to leave her mother asked us to stay just so she could talk to us for a few mins since she was running around all evening and felt bad that she didn't have a chance to chat. i thought, "great! and i'll have a chance to talk to my friend!" only, i didn't talk to my friend. because she had already left for the evening to attend another party with him. solid. i sent her a text the next day telling her how sad it made me that we didn't get a chance to talk more. no guilt. no finger pointing. just letting her know.
and did i get a response?
nope.
did i hear from her monday?
nope.
did i hear from her tuesday?
nope.
but she texted me at 9:30 this morning asking me to take pictures of her and her sister today. and she called me at 10:30 and woke me up. (i was still trying to sleep since the sleep i tried to get during the night was lousy!)
wait...let me get this straight...you want me to drop what i'm doing to rush out in the POURING rain to help you because it's 3 days before christmas and you don't have a gift for your mom? wait...you know how to get a hold of me when you need something but never to respond to me, say hi, see how i'm doing, or just apologize for being a self absolrbed" friend"?
thanks for thinking of me...finally.
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