Notes in the key of G

Tomorrow

i can't wait to spend the day with scott tomorrow so we can do this together :)

A Thousand Years

Dear Scott,

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died everyday
waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

Time stands still
beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything
Take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath,
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died everyday
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

And all along I believe
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

Last weekend

Last weekend was Scott's weekend off!

So we went here

to do this

and a little bit of this

which made me very this

I love spending time with him :)

last night i got a call

"i have a three day weekend this weekend!"

"wait...what? really?"
keep in mind this has NEVER happened since we've met!

"ya! how do you feel about going to san diego this weekend? is that ok? i'll book the room right now if you want."
who can say no to that?! not me!!

so this weekend i'll be here

with him

text message today: "massage for 2pm on saturday"

he's so good to me <3

i heart spring break! part 2

a gorgeous day spent in santa barbara with my favorite guy having my favorite drink?? yes please :)

he spoils me

my birthday was last friday. it was great! the flu i've been battling since then has not been so great. at all. the best part of the entire sickly weekend?? my scotty taking care of me. he is just amazing.

and the gifts he got me were amazing too!

i've been talking about genetic denim for awhile now. i never thought i'd actually get a pair of designer jeans!! scott has been listening and has asked me pick out a pair for my birthday. he likes this pair because "it looks like you with your cute little converse". these jeans are so cool! wanna know why??

because they actually have a strand of dna embroidered onto the pockets! do you know how freakin cool that is for a biology teacher?? ;)

he also saw me eyeballing these little gems. mine are not wedges but actual heels with a  peep toe. so cute!

31 is going to be quite a stylish year ;)

mini thoughts on the closing of a decade

so here's the thing...

i've been having some issues with this upcoming birthday for a couple of months now.

30.

30.

it just seems so much older than 29. maybe it's because my 20's are coming to an end. maybe it's because everyone else (for the most part) is younger than me. maybe it's because 30 sounds like a grown up. like someone who is supposed to be married and starting a family and has a career and their life is together. (i know...i know...but that's what i thought when i was in my early 20's!)

i started thinking about my 20's this morning, reminiscing if you will, as they come to an end (gah!). and i started reflecting on my love life.

20: in a relationship that i knew in my heart was never going to lead me down a path of true happiness, just a path of contentedness. 

21: began thinking that i was not willing to settle for a path of contentedness. i wanted a path of happiness and love and excitement and butterflies!

22: took a "break" which really was just a hop, skip, and a leap from a breakup. (is there really any difference between the two?) ironically, it started as his idea. i just happened to be the only one with the cahones to do it.
started dating a new guy. the party guy. the exact opposite of the 4 1/2 year relationship i had just gotten out of. i truly truly truly thought it would just be a summer thing. fun and exciting? check! attractive? check! stable and supportive? umm...no. but who cares? it's just for the summer! only i believed what he told me and continued to fall farther into a very unhealthy relationship.

23: it'll get better right??

24: i mean it's been 2 years...so he really must love me. even if he doesn't call when he says he's going to. even if he goes out and doesn't invite me. even if he has no interest in ever EVER growing up. even if he doesn't follow through on anything. but it'll get better right??

25: he finally did me a favor and ended the relationship. and i'm thankful for it every. single. day.
now.
but then? back then? back then i was devastated. who are we kidding? devastated doesn't begin to describe the broken little wreck that i was. i never thought i'd laugh again. shit, i never thought i'd smile! i never thought i'd be able to see beyond the dark little hole i was crying my eyeballs out in. my schedule looked something like this: get up, cry, blow my nose, go to work, loose weight, fight back tears, over-analyze, go home, cry, skip meals, go to bed, wish for sleep for a small break from the crying.

26: single. struggling. finding myself. with lots of help.

27: working. working. working. dating? sometimes. depressing? most times. lots of "hi it's nice to meet you." "it was fun meeting you." "don't call me again." i heart the dating world. and as for online dating? don't even get me started.

28: met someone in the most unlikely of places...a teacher conference. saw the red flags. could barely see past the red flags. somehow managed to COMPLETELY IGNORE THE RED FLAGS ALTHOUGH IT WENT AGAINST ALL OF MY BETTER JUDGMENT. dated him. even though it was hard. even though it was always ALWAYS going to be hard. i'm no quitter. unfortunately. so what happened?

29: he quit me. not before ignoring me for 3 days rather than talking to me. not before making me wait 5 weeks before he was able to muster up the courage (please insert sarcastic eye roll here) to type up a brief paragraph of his thoughts on our relationship and email it to me at school. at school people. during 2nd period.
for real??? 
spent the next 2-3 months trying to figure out what i did wrong. because obviously i did something wrong. it could never have been the other person's fault. no, there were definitely not two people in that relationship. just him and the girl who took all the blame and punished herself every day.

and then...

and then...

and then during the last quarter of this roller coaster of a decade...
i met him.
i met him and my heart began to sing.
just typing this makes me involuntarily smile.
that's just how much he makes my heart sing!

and now as i'm closing in on 30 i can't help but think, "wow did i get my ass kicked over the last 10 years!"

and i picked myself up.
every. single. time.

and i grew. and i learned. and i learned to love again.

these next 10 years are going to be amazing :)

2009 - a review

so i was checking out elise's website and just loved her idea of the "best of 2009". it got me to thinking...
this year has definitely been a year of change, to say the least!
so many ups and downs.
so many tears shed.
so many true friends found.
so many questions.
so many answers...not all good, but what i needed.
so many discoveries.
highlights here we come!

january

this month was not the best beginning to a new year. lets just leave it at that. but i did celebrate my 29th birthday, saw wicked (twice!), and went wine tasting up north with my favorite couple!

february
no pictures from this month. not a surprise seeing as how it was god awful. i'm sure i cried nearly every single day of february. asked lots of questions. got no answers. cried some more. started going to church with bethany. started feeling a stirring in my soul.

march
no pictures from this month either. but i did receive a letter. a letter that broke my heart at the time. a letter that i now view truly as a love letter from God. God who said, "you deserve better than this. you need more than this. i will give it to you. please trust in Me."

april

started living life again. (at least trying to!) super thankful for friends, TRUE friends, who hurt to see me hurt. from phone calls, to dinners, to working in the horticulture yard, to trips over spring break. i cannot thank them enough for pulling me out of the darkness. (ps. why this picture? because you can see two of my favorite things...marcus and giraffes!)

may

a trip to big bear with bethany. good for the heart. good for the soul.

june

change. big change. i don't enjoy change. but have painfully learned that it is necessary in order for there to be improvement.
finished up my 3rd year of teaching. was immensely grateful for the amazing year i had with such fantastic students, some of which overwhelmed me with their own gratefulness for such an amazing year. (ally, i mean you!) my heart broke knowing that i would need to teach next year without mr. strong. i made a deal with myself that i would do everything i could to not be lonely and sad that summer.

july

this was the year of disneyland! between grad night and summer passes i went 4 times. it was awesome! i enjoyed myself so much. especially with my little brother from another mother ;)

august


love juchu. just love her. another person who proved what an amazing friend she really is. went up north to visit her. had so much fun! it's always a great time with her and ben. while there, we went to the california academy of sciences. i realized what a true little geek i am when i started explaining things to jen at the different exhibits. can't wait to go back and check out the indoor rain forest again!

september

celebrated a birthday with the girls. celebrated LOTS of things with the girls ;) like the start of the new school year. and the start of a new relationship.

october

happiness. truly. a trip to vegas with friends, who knew when they met us that we would fall in love with each other. and they were very right. the more time i spend with him the more i learn why everything else hasn't worked. why the road has been broken. why my heart has been broken. why this broken-ness and then healing led me to him. and i couldn't be more thankful.

november

oh. my. gosh. who knew little me would love camping in the desert? and riding?? so fun! this was the first time that i went on a "real ride". as in shifting gears and riding long enough to have a dirt-stache. i could see myself getting into this! so much more enjoyable with great company! dave and lynette have such big hearts and welcomed us out with open arms. spent thanksgiving with good friends, good food, and some good dirt!

december

love.

love.

love.

rocky start. lovely ending.

because i get it now...

"The Day Before You"

I had all but given up on finding
The one that I could fall into
On the day before you
I was ready to settle for
Less than love and not much more
There was no such thing as a dream come true
Oh, but that was all the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

In your eyes I see forever
Makes me wish that my life never knew
The day before you

Oh, but Heaven knows those years without you
Were shaping my heart for the that day I found you
If you're the reason for all that I've been through
Then I'm thankful for the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

Was the last day that I ever needed alone
And I'm never going back
No I'm never going back

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
No I'm never going back
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

met the parents.
they're amazing!
just like him... <3